Pearls&Grit

“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.”

-Winston Churchill

Does this quote have a small air of resonance? Worry can literally steamroll us into the ground and prevent us from enjoying the best versions of our lives and selves. But worry throws a big shadow and sometimes it seems insurmountable. So I must ask, because I am a big proponent of having a darn good reason for everything, why do we want to rid ourselves of worry? How do we enjoy the magnificent freedom that comes from worrying less?

I will readily admit that I am a worrier by nature. Mike Honcho likes to call my Explorer, The Exploder. Now after hearing it lovingly but constantly referred to by that name, I began to worry that The Exploder really would spontaneously burst into a fireball of epic proportions.

Silly right? Yes. But that’s not the silliest part. I gave such traction to this particular worry that I devised a seating arrangement for the carseats, a knife that I always carried in a specific pocket in my purse, or wore on my belt, and a step-by-step plan on how I would extract myself and my kids from The Exploder the minute I saw signs of possible combustion. I even had dreams about this scenario…that’s how much space I allowed this worry to own in my brain.

So while you are recovering from the ridiculousness I just shared with you, I want to outline something called the Triune Brain Theory which was spearheaded by a neuroscientist named Paul D. MacLean. I did some research on this theory and to spare you a lot of scientific mumbo-jumbo, I gleaned out the high points of the theory.

First, the brain has three main parts; the protoreptilian brain, the paleomammalian brain, and the neomammalian brain.

The protoreptilian brain or the primal brain is in charge of our survival. It is what drives our most basic survival instincts.

The paleomammalian brain or the lymbic brain is the part which controls our emotions, memories, and in essence creates our own unique world views.

The neomammalian brain or the neocortex, is the  part that gives us the ability to be rational thinkers.

Are you still with me?

(If you want to read more on this, click here or here )

The primal part of our brain is so strong. It’s a wonderful thing that we have this part of our brain! It’s what kept our ancestors alive and as a result, it’s why you and I are here right now. It is what keeps us from getting too close to a fire, or reminds us to come up for air when we are swimming. But in the same respect, it is the place where our worry largely originates.

Worry is a fear based emotion and fear activates the primal part of our brain that is always working so hard to protect us. When we worry, our brain takes the negative emotion and turns it into anticipation of potential threats. Our brain then works double-time to protect us from both the physical dangers that exist as well as any possible emotional danger, that has either already happened or is expected to happen.

Aside from my worry about The Exploder actually exploding, I worry about my kids. I worry about the childhood I am giving them. I worry about their education. I worry about their social growth. I worry about the nutrition of my family. I worry about our next move. I worry about money. I worry about my weight. I worry about having to have the rental house spick-and-span when we move out, because I’m worried about getting that juicy deposit back, because I’m worried about money, and doubly worried about money when we’re deep in the throes of moving, and then I stress eat…do you see what a vicious cycle that creates?

I was doing more reading about worry and I came across an interesting statistic. When asked about their worrying, 87% of people said that the things they worried about never actually happened and that when bad things DID happen, they handled it better than anticipated. So you could say that my wacko plan for Exploder evacuation was helpful because when it did finally blow, I was completely ready for the situation. But the absolutely needless mental agony I went through every time I drove somewhere…and as we lived out in a small farming community at the time, I did a lot of very stressed-out driving.

When we allow worry to stay in our brains, it is not helpful. It turns into anxiety which makes it hugely difficult to think rationally. It makes it harder to listen to our intuition which in turn blocks our ability to hone in on cold hard truths.

Thoughts are so powerful! When I was around fifteen years old, I had this phenomenal dream where I got my very own four-horse Featherlite trailer with all the beautiful trimmings. It was so real and so convincing, I actually jumped out of bed and ran to the back window because I was just sure my trailer was sitting out there, gleaming in the morning sun. It wasn’t. Thoughts are powerful!

There’s another quote that I am not exactly sure who to give credit for, but regardless, it’s pure gold.

“Worry is a terrible misuse of your imagination.”

So here’s where we have to make the choice to get gritty and change our thinking. Focus on what you actually want! Allow your mind to run wild thinking about the positive things that you truly desire. We live out the stories we tell ourselves, which is why self-love and confidence is so imperative to our basic core health.

How do we fight back? Here are four suggestions.

1. Breathe. Just take a moment and breathe.

2. Invite your rational brain to join in. Allow it to levitate against your primal brain and allow yourself the permission to be factual. How in the world do we do that? Well, we ask a few basic questions. I’ll use my Exploder scenario here to demonstrate.

• What do I need to learn? I need to learn what would cause a run-of-the-mill SUV to catch on fire.
•  Where can I go to get that information? I can ask Mike Honcho, a very knowledgeable and viable source of information. I can read about Explorers and common problems. I can read about what causes car fires in general. I could even take it to a mechanic and ask if my car had any problems that might cause a fire.
• What part of this particular worry is just my imagination? Most of it. Mike Honcho has assured me over and over that cars just don’t blow up like they do in the movies. I never would have had this worry take seed in my brain if the car hadn’t been christened with such an ominous name!
•  Is there an actual reason to take action here? No! Other than basic, regular maintenance, there was no good reason The Exploder would actually explode.

3. Have some predetermined positive backups that will help reset your thinking processes. That could be a few positive words you can read or say out loud. It could be a song that makes you feel especially optimistic and positive.

4. Be in the moment! Don’t get stuck in the past, and don’t get sucked into the future! It’s not helpful to continuously rehash past events, or question choices we’ve made, trying to rework the path we’ve already traveled. It has already happened. It’s gone. Over! Learn to not condition present happiness on what we expect to happen in the future. Our sense of daily peace is robbed when it becomes dependent on the new car we hope to get, or the job we want to land, where we want to someday live or how we will feel about a 15 pound lighter version of ourselves  Placing conditions on our happiness is just another way to give credence to emotionally draining worry. Use your senses and identify what is happening right this second. You will find that you can usually always handle what is happening in the very moment.

Don’t give worry the power to control you. Don’t allow it to dictate your ability to enjoy your unique journey in life. Be brave. Make the choice!

And just so you know, The Exploder has yet to explode.