Is Your Inner Voice Sabotaging Your Confidence?
The internet has taken over the world in the last fifteen years. I remember sitting at a desk, tethered to a desktop computer which was plugged into the wall, enjoying the robotic symphony of dial-up internet downloading my emails.
In today’s world, the internet allows social media to barrage us at every turn. Photos, photos and more photos! No photo escapes editing unscathed.
How wonderful it is that we can share our every move with our friends and our families! How wonderful that we can be transported to beautiful beaches and look at gorgeous plated food right through our phones.
Maintaining a healthy level of confidence is becoming increasingly difficult as we gaze upon all the beautiful people and the beautiful lives they lead through their Instagram photos and Facebook posts. It is all available, right away and right now, and in our faces at every turn. The tendency to compare is almost impossible to resist. Let’s get to the meat of the topic.
Confidence.
Confidence is attained when one truly knows and embraces all parts of oneself. This is not a fake confidence that is masked by pride. It is knowing and loving all the things that encapsulate you. It is identifying and accepting the parts that you think do not measure up to your set standard of perfection.
In order to build self-confidence, you must pay attention to yourself. Be curious! We always expect our significant others and friends to know our preferences, likes and dislikes…but do you know those things? Really know those things? Do you know your favorite flower? Not the one that you are “supposed” to like, but the flower that you truly love? Do you know what makes you feel genuinely happy? Do you know which things trigger a deep-belly laugh? Could you describe your personality to a stranger? Do you pay attention to yourself?
It is human nature to be painfully aware of our faults and shortcomings. For instance, I know that I’m not great at cleaning the shower regularly. Why? It is such an easy thing! I just don’t like doing it. I have embraced that I don’t really have a good reason to clean the shower and that has made it easier to acknowledge and work at getting that shower cleaned more often. I don’t beat myself up about it. I don’t consider myself to be the worst person in the entire world because I don’t like cleaning my shower weekly. I acknowledge my shortcoming, and thus I am more successful in changing that shortcoming.
Which brings up the inner voice that we all have. Our inner voices all have personalities too. Most often, our inner voices are not very kind. In fact, they can be downright mean. That inner voice, allowed to run unchecked, can be one of our most toxic relationships. To make positive change towards true confidence, we must build kinder, healthier inner voices.
This doesn’t mean we should sit around all day and tell ourselves how great we are, but this does require validation. Give yourself reassurance for just a few minutes each day. Acknowledge a darn good hair day. Recognize that you look rested. Accept that smile. Quiet down the negative inner voice first thing in the morning and then go about your day. By allowing yourself these positive moments, you can be present and effective the rest of the day because you already did the hard work by giving yourself permission to acknowledge that you are wonderful! Your focus will shift to the people you are interacting with rather than worrying about what they might be thinking about you. Flash that smile because you know how bright it is. Flip that hair. Your inner voice becomes what you are.
Teach your inner voice to capitalize on your strong points. We don’t make positive changes when we beat ourselves up, we make changes when we embrace ourselves.
*This article is from my personal point of view and experiences. It is not supported by scientific research or data.
16 Comments
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didiswonderland
March 22, 2018 at 9:32 amVery well written! Thank you for the positive message, sadly sometimes we beat ourselves up too much without even realising it.
Katie
April 2, 2018 at 10:19 pmThank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. Hopefully we can *all* get a little more proficient at being kind to ourselves!
Laurie
March 22, 2018 at 12:48 pmthere is a difference between self-confidence and hubris. You have done a wonderful job discussing the differences. Self-confidence is usually a good thing,and leads to kindness and compassion. Over-confidence leads to recklessness and often a condescending attitude. Thanks for a great read!
Katie
April 2, 2018 at 10:20 pmI agree completely with you. There is a fine line between talking yourself up…and “talking yourself up.”
ang4him
March 22, 2018 at 9:51 pmReally good post! Thank you for sharing. I call my inner voice my inner bully sometimes. I’m working on turning her around to be more positive. I’ve recently realized that I don’t want to just totally shut her up – she has some really good qualities and can be very helpful. I just need to work on getting her to tone it down a bit and stop crossing the line. 🙂
Katie
March 26, 2018 at 12:22 pmWhat a good balance you are achieving! Very admirable.
Jerry Peri
March 23, 2018 at 5:00 amGreat post! It’s inspiring.
Katie
March 26, 2018 at 12:22 pmThank you for reading. I appreciate it!
~ Cindy ~
March 24, 2018 at 9:02 pmAhhh, the inner voices. I loved Pixar’s movie Inside Out for recognizing some of those voices. I use Headspace, a meditation app, and one of the benefits I’ve gleaned from that is learning (sometimes!) to note the voices without judging them as good or bad. They just are. I’ve taken to calling them characters and recognizing that sometimes they just need to say their lines. That’s what I write about on my blog. So your lines: “Which brings up the inner voice that we all have. Our inner voices all have personalities too. Most often, our inner voices are not very kind. In fact, they can be downright mean,” resonated for me. And I figured you have your own characters you’re dealing with. Nicely captured in your writing. Thank you.
Katie
March 26, 2018 at 12:26 pmI hadn’t thought about looking at our inner voices from the angle. But I *really* like that concept, especially in that sometimes they have to say their piece. Very sage input. Thank you for reading!
sierraleonegirl
March 25, 2018 at 10:49 pmI would just like to say, that I love your blog and reading your posts which is why I’ve nominated you for the Sunshine Blogger Award. For more information check out: https://sierraleonegirl.wordpress.com/2018/03/26/sunshine-blogger-award/
Katie
March 26, 2018 at 12:28 pmThank you so much for the nomination! What an honor. I appreciate you!
adultraising
March 26, 2018 at 1:11 pmI love this. It’s a frightening thought that if we spoke to other people the way we spoke to ourselves, we would have no friends at all!
Annie
Katie
April 2, 2018 at 10:21 pmSO true!
Personas & Voices: Pearls & Grit – Walk the Goats
March 29, 2018 at 1:21 am[…] post was titled, “Is Your Inner Voice Sabotaging Your Confidence?” It was in this segment where she writes about our “inner […]
Katie
April 2, 2018 at 10:22 pmThank you for linking me into your post. I have no idea how that is done, but I do appreciate the gesture!