Pearls&Grit

There is no filter on earth that can make these flat cookies (and most cookies I make) look tasty. So misshapen. So colorless. I promise that the cookies do relate, so lets jump to it.

A quick recap regarding our Agent and vulnerability  reminds us that when we decide to let our Agent take a few vacation days, we throw back the curtain and we are vulnerable. We don’t hide, we lose the need to pretend, we ditch dishonesty, manipulation and the need to compete with the people around.

What and who in the world is this Agent? Click here and find out! 

Right now, the relationship between shame and vulnerability get the spotlight.

Shame stems from the fear of disconnection, which we know is the single most driving force behind the cause and effect of vulnerability.

Shame comes in all kinds of little packages tied up with a great big insufficiency bow. We’re not skinny enough. We’re too skinny. We’re not smart enough. We’re too smart. We’re not Mommin’ the right way. These labels culminate in the all encompassing fear that we will be rejected by others. So we create our Agent in an effort to smooth over our perceived shameful attributes in the hope that everyone will like us.

Think about the person or people with whom you feel the most connected. You’ve probably seen them pick their nose, ugly cry, and you’ve seen them yell. They take bad pictures, sometimes even worse than you! You know they don’t clean under the couch, they lose their patience, they are the ones whom you’ve witnessed completely lose it. You’ve held them during trauma and trials. You love this person because you’ve seen the mask come off and they are still an absolutely okay person! True connection comes by being truly seen.

Most of what we deem as too imperfect for our Agent, are things that aren’t actually faulty at all. How is this? Well because these are the things that make us unique! It is tremendously hard to be unique in this age of instant technological connection.

Industrial farmhouse anyone? Endlessly dreamy pictures of teacups on a white plank background, a green aloe plant in the corner? Yes, it is beautiful, but also a dime a dozen.

Our uniqueness is what allows us to find, build, and maintain that connection we crave. Our quirks are the little things that make us fall head over heels in love with people. Or in today’s popular culture lingo it helps us find “Our Tribe.”

Its allowing ourselves to say “I actually didn’t do anything today, I didn’t even shower!” to a fellow mom or admitting a hatred for chocolate, an inexplicable love for the PTA, or an absolute obsession with monkeys, mismatched dishes, zebra stripes or lemon verbena. These are the quirks, the less-than mainstream idiosyncrasies that make Us.

Now the appropriate times and places for being vulnerable is something that you have to decide for yourself. Some people keep an iron-clad Agent on social media, some people don’t know what an Agent is, nor do they care to have one on social media. It is completely up to you to decide when and where to let your Agent relax. Just remember: you don’t need to say everything that’s on your mind in every setting. But do challenge yourself to be a little more real than you’re comfortable with in safe settings.

When you do share a thought or an opinion, not everyone is required to agree. Oftentimes, we think that by sharing something that we feel is important and close to our heart, everyone must agree! Guess what? That is the exact antithesis of being vulnerable. In essence, that expectation says, “I need everyone else to be like me so I can be validated and worthy of connection!”

If you can be comfortable enough in your differences, you’ll allow others to have their own opinions and thoughts. That is true vulnerability.

Lastly, don’t head out into the wild blue yonder without properly arming yourself. You must be there for yourself. When you are able to tell yourself, without reservation:

“I love you and I agree with you. You are good. You are fine. There is nothing wrong or unlovable here,” 

then you can go out in the world where you will be okay with other people echoing your sentiments, but also with people who disagree with your sentiments. The more you are vulnerable when appropriate, the more confident you become because you are telling yourself that you genuinely don’t want to hide.

You are not ashamed of the person you are right this minute, flat cookies and all.

Do you want to learn more about vulnerability? Brene Brown is one of the most knowledgeable crusaders of vulnerability and its importance in our lives. Click here for continued learning.  

Tell me in the comments, what makes YOU unique?

*This article is from my personal point of view and experiences. It is not supported by scientific research or data.